Switching Over

Alright ya'll. So here's the deal. Some amazing things are going down in my life, and then some not so amazing things. I'm really proud of who I am becoming and I have found that there are certain people who are not being super supportive of who I am and the life I live. Some of those people read this blog. So, I'm abandoning this blog and going over to another one, because I believe in surrounding myself with positivity. If you are still interested in reading my aimless posts, e-mail at the below address and I will send you the link, that way I can control who will be able to read my blog. Hope to see you over there! Carly E-mail address: carleneostedgaard@hotmail.com Put in subject line: Your name- I think your blog is awesome! The subject line is there just to stroke my ego a bit;)

Just letting you know I'm not dead

This is a super quick post to let you know I'm still alive. My writing has been sucking lately. As I bicycle all over the city, I conjure all these eloquent zines, posts, letters to friends, etc. But when it comes to putting paper to pen (or in this case, fingers to keyboard), it just doesn't seem to be translating. I'm also on the 15 minute express computer because people mob the library computers on Sundays. The library is closed on Mondays (stupid fucking budget cuts! Really? The library and public transportation are eating all the shitty cuts?!) so I will try to post on Tuesday. See you then, I guess.

Lots of Thinking Going On

Hello there! It's been a bit. Sorry. Things here have been wild. I mean, I had all of these activities going on, which kept me busy, but I've also been exposing myself to new ideas, new ways of thinking, and new kinds of people. It's amazing and overwhelming and exhausting. I moved here because I'd been marginally exposed to concepts such as anarchy, radical parenting, queer theory, and polyamory (all through zines) and I wanted to know more. I've made friends who are involved in all of these communities and they are open and honest with me and patient/indulgent with all of my curiosities. This is wonderful, but my mind is also on this constant reel, questioning what of these ideas is are ones I want to adopt. Sometimes I just want to turn the thinking off. I'll give you an example: Friday night I went out with the first friend I know to be polyamorous in my itty-bitty group of friends. I straight-up asked her if she would mind telling me about her choice to be poly and the obstacles and joys she's faced living that lifestyle. We talked about how living a polyamorous lifestyle forces you to constantly reflect on the assumptions that the dominant culture makes, our own insecurities and why we have them, and the ways in which we relate to each other. Then, we moved to another bar and my friend saw a woman with whom my friend's primary partner is engaging in a poly relationship (we'll call her Alice). My friend (we'll call her Katie) walked right up to Alice and gave her a giant hug and she introduced me and mentioned that I had been asking about poly and how crazy it was to run into Alice. Then, Katie and Alice engaged in what I would normally think of as an awkward conversation about a situation that arose between Katie, Alice, and Katie's partner (By the way, this pseudonym thing sucks. It's so hard to remember who's who!) because Katie's partner was not very mindful of the dynamics. Alice gave Katie mad props for not proceeding to punish Alice for the partner's mistakes. I just sat there not sure if I should be listening to the conversation or giving them their privacy while simultaneously wondering how on earth I would ever handle this situation if I were to engage in the polyamorous lifestyle. Two days later and I'm still thinking about it. I know earlier in this post I was complaining about the exhaustion of always questioning the choices I make in my life. But really, I think about what a curious person I am and how I am least happy when I'm not learning about all of the possibilities available to me in my life. So, I'll just handle the fatigue because to me it's worth it. It's worth it to know so many diverse, crazy, amazing, free-thinkers who are always challenging themselves to get to know themselves and the world around them more intimately.

This is the book that Katie gave me to read while I was hanging with her at her garage sale. It's about polyamory, of course. It's a really good read, I must say!

How to Remedy the Homesick Blues

This is a quick check-in, guys. I no longer have free and easy access to a computer until I move the rest of my things out in late October/early November. But I'm feeling a little bit homesick and writing on this blog does help me with that at times. So, what's going on in my world, you say? 1. I moved into my new house yesterday. 2. I bought a bike. 3. I started training for one of my jobs and my first day of school is Wednesday. 4. Julie's coming out on Tuesday! This is all super exciting, but with that excitement comes some nerves. I'm learning the nuances and schedule of one of my roommate and I haven't and won't meet the other one until Monday (he's out of town). I'm nervous about whether or not I will do my job well (which seems to be par for the course in any job), but I also have a little anxiety just being in a school building again. In fact, I was so anxious at one point last week that I dreamt about East Middle School. This school does seem to have a much more community-oriented vibe than East and it's an elementary school so I anticipate I will get over my anxiety soon. In the meantime, what I'm experiencing is just the waiting that happens before everything settles in. Hence, the slight sting of homesickness. What I've decided to do today to combat this is to do the Portland thing. Or at least I think it's what Portlanders do. The Portlanders I know do it all the time. I'm headed to North Portland to either Fresh Pot or Albina Press, I'm going to order a coffee, and then I'm going to read and write-- for hours. I'm looking forward to it. I'll talk to you guys soon!

Albina Press in North Portland