Monday, July 9, 2012

It just felt appropriate

My horoscope in the Willamette Weekly (super reliable source, I know) said that I need to stop farting around and get down to business. Pretty sure that is in reference to the job thing. So today I did it up good. I was a machine with the job search. I looked for everything! Signature signing, teaching at a charter school, dishwasher, retail, and (GASP!) even call centers. You know I'm committed to being here if I would even dain to consider applying for a call center. Whatever. It's what all the underemployed, over-educated, punk rocking, anarchist zinesters are doing here. If I'm going to do it, might as well do it right. That's not the point of this post, though (as if there's ever a point to my posts). While perusing Craigslist for a sufficiently seedy job to fulfill my Portland fantasies, I found this: Retail Customer Service Adult video and pipes! (SE portland) Date: 2012-07-08, 6:42PM PDT Reply to: We are looking for a mellow and down to earth person to complete our tight crew. We need someone experienced with managing cash in a retail environment. You must be easy going and comfortable with our diverse customer base. We value our customers and need someone that respects the relationships that we have built with a personable attitude. A flexible schedule is a must as extra hours and swaps occur regularly. Most of the work is weekend nights. This is a part time position. Please have a clever response to this ad and show us your personality. Include the name of a famous singer in your subject line so we can insure that you are not a robot. Please leave a contact number, a short resume type thing that is at least 3/4 truthful (pasted, no attachments) and a brief reason why you are perfect for this position. How awesome is that? I am all for it. It sounds like the coolest job I never thought I'd have. Naturally, I applied on principal. Working in an adult video store slash pipe shop seems like something I should try in my life. Plus, I'm just to concerned whether they will judge me or not, so it made it that much more fun to reply. Here is my response. Hello! I saw your ad on Craigslist and was intrigued. I am a former 8th grade teacher with a purple and green mohawk. I feel like that might just make me unique enough to work for your shop. I am perfect for this job because I'm very friendly and curious about people. Here is my resume for you to review:

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