A Lazy Day Perusing the Personals

The one-year-old with whom I am living brought home a delightful stomach bug from daycare, so I spent the last two days laying in bed, sleeping it off. Today, I finally felt well enough to go work out. On my way to the gym, I stopped by New Seasons (the local organic grocery chain store) and grabbed The Portland Mercury. The Mercury is one of two free newspapers that is printed weekly and features all the cool stuff to do in town for the hip and trendy (like Westword for you Coloradans reading this). I like to read The Mercury to find group bike rides and free events where I can meet people, like the one I'm going to this evening. So, I'm perusing the newspaper today and I find Lovelab, the section of personal ads. Jackpot. I mean, what better way to waste a couple of hours? My favorite are the "I saw U" adds. I'm totally fascinated by these missed connections. It's like these ads are a last-ditch effort to maybe, hopefully redo what you wish you'd done in the first place. Anyway, for your viewing pleasure, here are a few samples for your Hump Day (Note: All ads are written exactly as seen in The Merc, it's more fun to read them as they were without my editing anyway): Ripped Jeans on Yellow Max You were a clean cut boy with dark sunglasses, standing with an ipod. You kept looking. I was the punky boy with ripped jeans and gray beanie. You smiled when you got off the Max. Let's ride together next time. When: Thursday, June 7, 2012. Where: Yellow Max, chinatown. You: Man. Me: Man Kneed my knee gave out or something and you ofered to look at it. i said no thanks, b/c dropping trou your restaurant seemed weird. you can guard my life anytime. When: Monday June 4, 2012. Where: PSU. You: Woman. Me:Man. Happy Hour Holiday Hero To the delectable, fair-haired lone beauty with the green All-star high tops drinking whiskey and a micro trying to study while watching NBA playoffs, I salute you. When: Monday, May 28, 2012. Where: Holman's Happy Hour. You: Woman. Me: Man. ...and my all-time favorite for its weirdness/creativity: Venus in Spurs? Celestial viewing party at Omsi-- I entered a trance as I saw fiddle-fucking with the telescope projection on your chest. My sunblindness made a complete once over and supermarket wink implausible. The jazz flue further eclipsed any logic. Let me be your Lioness. When: Tuesday, June 5, 2012. Where: Omsi. You: Woman. Me: Woman. And speaking of Hump Day. This was the add I saw next to the personals. So fabulous, so Portland!